Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
