So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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