I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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