She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I CAN MOONWALK!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
