i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
