So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
