Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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