Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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