And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
