My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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