I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
