I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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