As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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