She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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