I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
