maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
