I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this boner is exhausting
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
