If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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