Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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