Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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