it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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