i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
