Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
