I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
