I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
