i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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