I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
