I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
