Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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