thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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