my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
