just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
