your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
