I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
