The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
