i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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