thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
