Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
