So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
