I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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