we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
