batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
