WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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