I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
