Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
