So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
