oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
