I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
