I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
