My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
