So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
