I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
