in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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