Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
